Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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