Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
