Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
These tits shall not be calmed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
