apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
