Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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