i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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