WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
