I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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