Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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