I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I look better un-naked...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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