WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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