she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
