He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i think i just lost a toe
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
