I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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