so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
