Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
