god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
