just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
