I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Terrible idea I love it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
