I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
