and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
