How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
