Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
