if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
