PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Non-Jews are for practice
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
