it was like a zeppelin in a condom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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