just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
