there's paper in my vomit.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
