sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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