before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
