I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
even my farts smell like vagina
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
