You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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