is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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