No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
