I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
