I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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