i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
