i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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