Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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