Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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