I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
