Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
