I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
