there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
