Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
