I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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