Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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