So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
