So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
