return my video game
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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