You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
