all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
