Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
