This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
