There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
