those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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